And So It Begins...

Preface: These are my journal entries for the last two days. I didn't think I would be sharing them on the blog which is why they are written how they are, but as there are a lot of friends wondering how everything is going I thought this would be the best way to keep friends informed.

January 24, 2015

As I sit here on the first plane ride of many to come in these next 13 days I can't help but to have a heart that is lighter than I can remember having in the whole of my life. I flew over a snow capped Lexington, horse farms and the long fences that characterize my home are all blanketed in white on a gray day. The sun then peeked in my window-- it came unexpected. 

This unexpected moment brought on another. My heart and mind that have been at what is the calmest, most peaceful state I have known in years started to float with satisfaction. I say float because it is not bursting with excitement or giddy with joy, but is in peaceful, calm, appreciation. The word satisfaction is used because it contains the emotions that I feel come with knowing that I am setting out on this amazing journey that is the beginning of the rest of my life due to the luck that is the residue of my life that, if nothing else, is marked by hard work.

So right here, right now, in this moment I am excited to learn from these next two weeks, to get to play in auditions, and to continue exploring this beautiful world. I am more at peace, more carefree, and more satisfied than I knew possible.

~Thank you, God for my life!

January 25, 2015

Where do I even begin? Maybe with the fact that big cities make me feel invincible. There is this anonymity that comes with being in big cities that is just magical because at the exact same time, they make me feel like I am somebody. As an introvert, I don't get my energy from people, by I without a doubt get it from places. 

It started with hopping into a cab and hearing the words, "82nd and Riverside" come out of my mouth. Soon after I was warmly welcomed into a lovely Upper Westside apartment with Brie, crackers, grapes and wine. There is nothing I could have loved more. 

In the morning I awoke to coffee, fresh made fruit salad and german pastries. Throughout most of the morning I remained a remarkable calm that was not only shocking to me, but also noted by my host. The panic eventually ensued though, but my gut told me just who to call on for a little saving; it was so right as a sweet friend offered some quick words of calm and confidence.

Audition time came. It began with movement exercises (that I nailed thanks to my Pilates class) and some words of encouragement from the department chair. Afterwards were our interviews and monologues that I must say went a little weird, but none the less fun. Do I think I got in? No. Did I have fun and learn a lot? Most definitely.

I continued on with my day in NYC with a sweet text from a rookie (God has seriously blessed me with some awesome friends), a trip to Bergdorf's, exploring the Upper Westside, dinner at a South African wine bar full of the fresh International food that I so so miss, an Uber ride to the airport, a slice of New York cheesecake, and this journal entry on a plane ride home. 

Maybe this trip didn't get me into grad school, but it did get me my first pair of designer shoes and a major realization. Today the following statement was said to me, "you're a ballsy little one!"

People always tell me that I'm adventurous, that I'm crazy for going so many places knowing no one there, and the like, but it never meant too much to me. I have never found anything that I'm really good at; I seem to be a little above average at a lot of things (usually due to hard work, not talent,) but reflecting on today this is what I have finally come to understand: I may not have a career path mapped out, I'm not on a road to marriage, or even in a relationship for that matter, I'm not super gifted at a hobby, but what I do have is a confidence, independence, and drive that it seems apparently few people are given. Maybe this is my "gift." I am not sure where it is taking me yet, but I can feel in my bones that God has it taking me somewhere-- somewhere that I will love. 

~Thanks New York, Aunt Peggy, Cassie and Hayley.

P.S.- Mom and Dad, I have no idea what's coming, but thanks for being by my side- your trust, words, and excitement for me are all much appreciated!