Sundancing- This was Big!

Holy heck, friends! This week has taught me more practical life skills than my whole 20 something years of education combined...and maybe that's why I'm so exhausted. Like four hours of sleep per night, running around from 7am until past midnight, standing in the cold for a long time kind of tired, but it's a good thing! Speaking of, last night I saw a doc that was about America's education system that just got me so stoked. In more detail, it was about how our world is changing and all of the jobs that we built our education system around during the industrial revolution are disappearing due to advancements in technology. Therefore, our education- teaching for the test, is no longer a practical way of doing things, but it gets more complicated. We as students work our butts off to get good ACT and SAT scores in order to get into college. Here is the problem, that prepares us for nothing and also, unemployment is really high and the value of obtaining a college degree has weakened vastly.

In my years as a college student I have learned all of these things far too well. I worked so hard in high school to get into my dream school that I literally made myself sick. I got in, but because I am middle class, I did not have the financial need to get money to help me go to said school. I then get to college and amidst sitting in a huge lecture hall it dawned on me that none of that mattered and none of my current professors even knew if I was smart or not. As my college career continued and I felt as though I was at a loss for what I was supposed to choose to do with my life because I didn't know the things I liked to do, or didn't like to do, just that I was average to a little above average at a lot of subjects and the occasional hobby because I never really had hands on experience doing things.
Now, as a senior in my final semester of undergrad I have realized that in the last year, which has included studying abroad for a year, working a few jobs (one in another country,) traveling solo to Sundance, and jet setting to various cities on a budget for interviews, I have learned more practical life skills that will help me in the real world than all of the years of sitting in a classroom combined. Furthermore, I have come to be a little bothered, as an International Studies major, that higher education for me and many others has really only entailed hands on research of other academics. Yes, Adam Smith and Kenneth Waltz have contributed important theories to the world, but A) I am not the next Adam Smith and B) most of the academics theororizing are just that, academics. Not all, but only a few actually have real experience with the things they write about. So why then I ask am I assigned to read and regurgitate these peoples thoughts? I often feel that I am assigned not only busy work, but work that is using up time where I could be learning more valuable skills, like maybe interacting with people of the non-western world, not just reading about them or learning how to navigate the stock market and not simple read about how a free market works. Let's not even mention that going to a large research institution has the potential to focus educators attention on their own research and no longer tuition paying, indebted students.

I think there are a lot of questions to be asked and examined here and I am very happy to have seen "Most Likely to Succeed" which is trying to begin this discussion. I am also very excited for the students in these charter schools whom, through watching on the screen, I know will be ahead of their peers like myself come the end of undergrad when it is no longer a garuntee, or even likely, that we will be able to find a job let alone start a career.

Anyway, enough of my soapbox. As I mentioned above Sundance has taught me a whole whole lot. Not only have I gotten a more clear understanding of the inner workings of the entertainment industry, but I have also learned about the art and making of film, but the most valuable thing I learned is how to truly network. A sweet friend hooked me up with some friends of hers while she is halfway across the world in Cambodia. That evening I had the privilege of meeting these lovely people and learning more about their company at an even they hosted here at Sundance. Upon walking into this event I met a nice man who found out who I am and what I want to do. Slowly he began introducing me to various people in the room, then telling me what conversations to step into and who to introduce myself to. Soon enough I was walking around the room meeting all kinds of interesting people and exchanging business cards. As the night came to a close I shook a few more hands and thanked the gentleman and his friend who started me off. They gave me a few last networking tips, words of encouragement, and compliments on my demeanor. The most satisfying thing out of all of this though friends, is that I had just learned something invaluable- how to work a room. What is even cooler is that it was with people I hope to someday work for or with- people who support faith in film, raised the conversation in Hollywood and managed to bring it to Sundance. I have no doubt that the good Lord brought me here, had this planned, and I will never regret spending the money and missing class time to learn these skills, experience this art, and hear others stories.

Sundance!

January 26-27

Both Monday and Tuesday were pretty easy going with a day of work, meeting about future jobs and packing followed by a day pretty much just sitting on airplanes. Honestly, the only extremely eventful thing other than arriving in Park City and being given a quick tour on the way to pick up my Sundance Festival Pack was the conversations had between my roommates and I while they watched me pack. Here's how it went: a certain roommate who recently spent a semester in Peru thought it heinous that I should need to bring four different pairs of jeans (among other things) to Sundance with me as she only took two pairs for a whole semester away. I then had to point out the fashion behind each one (different shades, colors, and pant leg styles) and that I simply have a hard time packing light when I will be gone for two weeks and need to dress to impress. Its kind of like the whole dress well test well thing...when I dress well, I feel my best! Anyway, on to more exciting things...

January 28

Well first thing is first, I am completely exhausted from the day, but it is the great kind where I know I will be ready to wake up and do it all over again tomorrow! Today has taught me a whole lot, friends! To begin, everyone is in love with this place and this festival and I already know this will be an annual pilgrimage for the rest of my life. The energy and excitement here is simply contagious and I hope that next year I can bring people to experience it with me! I began the day with a few cups of coffee and a documentary called City of Gold. Naturally I loved it- it is about the first pulitzer prize winning food critic, and LA native, and his understanding and characterization of his home based all in its food. I went straight from there to an event for Ignite package holders where we were give a little free snack as well as some other freebees, but best of all we got to hear from Sundance staff about the institute and everything it is up to.

Oh, and in throughout the course of the morning my brother was a hero and made me some business cards and got them printed here in Park City by the end of the day because I blew it in forgetting to have them made before I came.

Next, I high tailed it on over to my second screening of the day. Everyone reading this, please know that if you see any one film in the course of the next year, it should be Stockholm, Pennsylvania. The film is about a twenty-two year old girl, who was kidnapped as a child, as she returns to her parents home  after being found once 18 years had gone by. If you think you know what might happen, the sentiments it might evoke, or that is will be depressing, you are mistaking. This film was the first directed and written by Nikole Beckwith and she did an absolutely beautiful job. In addition, the designers, actors, producers and casting directors definitely showed off some wonderful talent. This movie was thought provoking, raw, beautiful, and made me genuinely feel more emotions in one movie than I have ever done. I really hate trying to describe it because I know I am not doing it justice!

Once I left the Q&A there, I headed to my final screening of the day that is a New Frontier piece. New Frontier pieces are either technology or films that are pushing the boundaries of both creativity and technology. This one in particular was a very stylized and artistic piece that told the story of a train crossing the US and capturing an artistic happening in each place it stopped and while traveling. It was then all compiled to be sixty-one one minute clips. It was pretty cool stuff!

Finally, I headed back into town to grab my first meal since 6am before heading home.

All in all, I can already say I have learned a lot here- practical things like remember business cards or good opportunities will be missed, but also challenges that I had not previously considered, one of which was to not only think about a film and whether or not you liked it, but why you did or didn't and what you would have done differently because these opinions are often missing, but also help us as artists find our own style. I have also been reaffirmed that if nothing else, I want a job where I get to hear people's stories; meeting so many interesting people today reminded me just how big this world is, but just how similar all humans are. Oh, and last but not least, I am seriously considering making a documentary. (more to come on that later...I think)

Well friends, that is all for now, but I should be posting again soon so feel free to check back and leave any comments below!

~Thanking the good Lord for bringing me here!

And So It Begins...

Preface: These are my journal entries for the last two days. I didn't think I would be sharing them on the blog which is why they are written how they are, but as there are a lot of friends wondering how everything is going I thought this would be the best way to keep friends informed.

January 24, 2015

As I sit here on the first plane ride of many to come in these next 13 days I can't help but to have a heart that is lighter than I can remember having in the whole of my life. I flew over a snow capped Lexington, horse farms and the long fences that characterize my home are all blanketed in white on a gray day. The sun then peeked in my window-- it came unexpected. 

This unexpected moment brought on another. My heart and mind that have been at what is the calmest, most peaceful state I have known in years started to float with satisfaction. I say float because it is not bursting with excitement or giddy with joy, but is in peaceful, calm, appreciation. The word satisfaction is used because it contains the emotions that I feel come with knowing that I am setting out on this amazing journey that is the beginning of the rest of my life due to the luck that is the residue of my life that, if nothing else, is marked by hard work.

So right here, right now, in this moment I am excited to learn from these next two weeks, to get to play in auditions, and to continue exploring this beautiful world. I am more at peace, more carefree, and more satisfied than I knew possible.

~Thank you, God for my life!

January 25, 2015

Where do I even begin? Maybe with the fact that big cities make me feel invincible. There is this anonymity that comes with being in big cities that is just magical because at the exact same time, they make me feel like I am somebody. As an introvert, I don't get my energy from people, by I without a doubt get it from places. 

It started with hopping into a cab and hearing the words, "82nd and Riverside" come out of my mouth. Soon after I was warmly welcomed into a lovely Upper Westside apartment with Brie, crackers, grapes and wine. There is nothing I could have loved more. 

In the morning I awoke to coffee, fresh made fruit salad and german pastries. Throughout most of the morning I remained a remarkable calm that was not only shocking to me, but also noted by my host. The panic eventually ensued though, but my gut told me just who to call on for a little saving; it was so right as a sweet friend offered some quick words of calm and confidence.

Audition time came. It began with movement exercises (that I nailed thanks to my Pilates class) and some words of encouragement from the department chair. Afterwards were our interviews and monologues that I must say went a little weird, but none the less fun. Do I think I got in? No. Did I have fun and learn a lot? Most definitely.

I continued on with my day in NYC with a sweet text from a rookie (God has seriously blessed me with some awesome friends), a trip to Bergdorf's, exploring the Upper Westside, dinner at a South African wine bar full of the fresh International food that I so so miss, an Uber ride to the airport, a slice of New York cheesecake, and this journal entry on a plane ride home. 

Maybe this trip didn't get me into grad school, but it did get me my first pair of designer shoes and a major realization. Today the following statement was said to me, "you're a ballsy little one!"

People always tell me that I'm adventurous, that I'm crazy for going so many places knowing no one there, and the like, but it never meant too much to me. I have never found anything that I'm really good at; I seem to be a little above average at a lot of things (usually due to hard work, not talent,) but reflecting on today this is what I have finally come to understand: I may not have a career path mapped out, I'm not on a road to marriage, or even in a relationship for that matter, I'm not super gifted at a hobby, but what I do have is a confidence, independence, and drive that it seems apparently few people are given. Maybe this is my "gift." I am not sure where it is taking me yet, but I can feel in my bones that God has it taking me somewhere-- somewhere that I will love. 

~Thanks New York, Aunt Peggy, Cassie and Hayley.

P.S.- Mom and Dad, I have no idea what's coming, but thanks for being by my side- your trust, words, and excitement for me are all much appreciated!

Thank You to Open Letter

(An open letter, formerly a handwritten thank you)

Dear Ms. Judd,
    
     As I sit in a coffee shop scribing this letter, my sanity nags at me. I am not exactly sure why I am writing, if I will send this, or to where I would even do so, but amidst attempting to complete three weeks of course work in the first week of my final semester of undergrad (I am leaving for Sundance and grad school auditions in a few days,) something made me stop to write this. I guess maybe its because I believe in the karma of Thank You's and have owed one for a while now.
     So that you know where I am coming from, and the full extent of my gratitude, let me introduce myself. I am a senior at UK (Go Cats!) studying International Relations with minors in Poli Sci and Theatre. I have been fortunate enough that two summers of theatre study were spent in London and my Junior year was spent studying under leading academics in IR and Terrorism at the University of St. Andrews in Scotland. These aspects of college do not define me, but they have definitely given me the time to find out who I am.
     As a Freshman, I began college in a struggle that was unbeknownst to me, but manifested itself in a continuance of two long years of daily migraines...I now know, understand, and even appreciate that this was depression. A few months into that year I was fortunate enough to find a community that led me to a relationship with God. As someone who gets passionate about things quickly, I jumped headfirst into this Christian community and ministry. (Oh and in March that year we cheered on the Cats court side in the Super Dome as they won the National Championship!) That following summer I began All that is Bitter and Sweet, and simultaneously read History Boys. I knew I was going to like your book from the start and then in History Boys I read,

     "The best moments in reading are when you come across something-- a thought, a feeling, a way of looking at things-- that you'd thought special, particular to you. And here it is, set down by someone else, a person you've never met, maybe even someone long dead. And it's as if a hand has come out, and taken yours."

This was it! You, your words, experiences, your vulnerability were a comfort I had not yet found. I identified with your passion for international work/service, your desire to act, and so much more. Even bigger than this though, through your sharing of your time in recovery, and your road there, I became aware of the weight of my depression, that I needed to face it, and more importantly that it was okay to be there and it wasn't my fault. This was the first time I felt a sense of freedom, and I continued to highlight the pages of All that is Bitter and Sweet the summer over.

     My sophomore year rolled around and culminated in the decision to spend my next year abroad in St. Andrews as they have a leading program in my field, but more so because I identified that my battle with depression was slow moving as I was the people around me, my parents, sorority sisters, christian community...I allowed them to be my voice, and although I so badly wanted to shout mine out, I couldn't bare the thought of being a disappointment.

     As I am sure you are aware, the pure, unscathed wilderness of Scotland is a breath of fresh air and a beautiful beginning to a life altering year, but during the wee hours of winter, a dark place to be in a "dark place." Boy did 2:30pm sunsets help me find find rock bottom, but without rock bottom there is no up! On cold, damp mornings spent hiking up to see quiet beaches fade into the abyss of the ocean meeting cliffs and green pastures in the horizon (which lends itself to being in the middle of freakin' nowhere) I met with my thoughts on all things life. I realized where I stand with God, not where my friends stood; I harnessed the courage to risk doing what I want, even if it did disappoint; and I began to confidently travel to new countries and places full of people so unlike myself that I feel privileged to have learned that though we live in what can seem like a cruel world, the human condition is the same everywhere. I found that I have been dealt a life with many things better, some worse, and others simply different than the rest of the world. All of my time away without the influence of others, investing in myself for the first time ever, was like my recovery.

   Now that I have found my voice and what it wants to say, I am pursing a career in acting which had been a secret life long dream. I know, by the leadership of the Holy Spirit, that I was put here to use my voice for others who, like myself, in someway lack one whether it is because they are muted by illness, it is suppressed by the force of politics, it is too remote to be noticed or something else I am yet to come to know and understand. I am so very excited to be at peace working in a number of ways to a life where all of the worlds I know, have studied, or experienced, and those that I have not, converge.

     I apologize that it has taken me over two pages to get here, but I tell you all of this because over and over again I find myself running back to All that is Bitter and Sweet as a guide, as comfort, and as a reference to explain myself to others-- your writing has been my small version of your Archbishop Desmond Tutu. In it you note the importance of mentors in a world of loneliness because no one else lives our exact experiences. You have gone ahead to where I have not been, but look back with the love born of admirable wisdom, grace, mercy and compassion that I feel blessed to have encounter to aid me in a life of my own experiences, not those ruled by depression or my loving friends and family.

     So, I feel a Thank You in order! I have never felt comfortable living life with unspoken/ unshared gratitude because its many of these small things that make the world go round.

     Ms. Judd, thank you for your life, words, vulnerability and guidance.

Kindly,

Courtney Stone

P.S.- If you find yourself in Lexington this basketball season wanting to talk life, the Bluegrass, or this crazy world we live in, I'll be here rooting for the Cats!