Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Lost and Found

Well friends, its about that time again. Time for my quarterly blog post!

They say "you must get lost before you can be found." Well as a recent college graduate, I can say I am somewhere amidst lost. I am wondering around Robert Frost's yellow wood. I have always said I took the road less traveled by, and with each passing day this becomes more and more apparent to me. Might it be that I have always known the world is my home, not just Kentucky? That I have taken many adventures around this beautiful world, often alone, yet met some of my very best friends? Have had all of one romantic relationship in my life, yet one of the two things I want most is to be a mom? Had my first kiss at the age of 22? Had a first kiss that was practically a scene out of a movie and was then disappointed? Received Bourbon and cuban cigars as graduation gifts instead of money? Am leaving behind almost every friend I have to move my life from Kentucky to Chicago and LA with no job? Being realistic after my year in Scotland I also know this means I will likely lose the majority of those friends; it's no one's fault really, life just gets busy and though you think technology would make staying in touch easier, I have found it really just creates excuses.

This is not a pity party or anything of the like. Rather, as someone who is very logical, yet likes to be in touch with my feelings, I am simply trying to process all of the things my life holds right now. I spent the last two weeks in paradise trying to think about what lies ahead of me and how I feel about everything happening to me and in life right now...I got absolutely nowhere which has never happened to me before. Here is the thing, people keep throwing adjectives like adventurous, brave, crazy and courageous at me in both genuine and nonchalant conversations. I just don't feel these things though. Instead, I feel like moving to chase the only career I feel can use my talents is really my only option, and working my butt off to be successful is the only thing I know how to do. People have found so many cool words to describe the journey I have been on for the last few years, but I'm not sure anyone has ever mentioned the ones I have felt most deeply. At this very moment, that word is fear. I don't fear losing friends, moving, making a new city my home, or failing at a job because I know once there I can do each of those things as I have before. What I fear as the recent college grad that I am is the most basic of things, not finding a job because yes, I took the road less travelled and when every job application in the field I am pursuing requires experience in a degree that is not the one I earned, fear ensues.

I am just hoping, and praying, I cross the path of another individual on my road less traveled by. No one ever said it isn't traveled at all. Hopefully that lovely person will conquer my fear for me; I know I will not let them down.

I guess maybe I am not so lost after all...I think that the feeling of being lost, or just somewhere different, is my found; I am okay with that.




Passionately Obsessed


 
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